Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
