Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
