Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are we still banned from the library?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
