I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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