I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
