So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
