I am in a vortex of obligation.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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