1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got chris browned last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
