Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
