i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have post one night stand depression
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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