That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
