Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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