Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
