She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
