Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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