I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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