I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
being pregnant is like rehab
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize