So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
did i just pee glitter
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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