Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You need a sexual gate keeper
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
