Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
