You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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