I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
