I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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