I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
