Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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