I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wrigley field is MILF paradise
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize