why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have already put on my inside pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
