Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
