you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
