Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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