I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
