I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
