So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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