First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
