Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
