...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
