I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
