I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
