Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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