I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
