I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need moral support for this bender
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
