You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i think i just lost a toe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
