If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
