Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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