I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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