I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
