I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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