Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize