butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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