there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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