This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
