Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
