I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
