my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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