Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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