Where did you get a picture of my penis
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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