that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
