i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
