I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
