Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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