Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
