If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
